CONTENTMENT

There's that saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side".  Well I want to know...Is the grass always greener on the other side? When will MY grass be green on MY side? I find myself constantly sounding like a 3 year old- "I want this, I want that, I want I want I want".  I know I sound ridiculous, but will I ever be content with what I have?

We as mothers tend to be very hard on ourselves.  We as women in general tend to be hard on ourselves.
We want to be skinnier
We want to be taller
We want to be prettier
We want to be better at everything
We want an awesome career
We want to be married to prince charming and have well-behaved kids
We want to be the worlds best mom
We want to be the worlds craftiest mom
We want to be a organized, and keep a clean house, and be an amazing cook, and the list goes on and on....


For awhile I was blaming it on social media- Facebook, Pinterest, etc..or just the fact that this is how we are wired. We are women, and we do A LOT of comparing.  If you don't do A, B, or C, like Mrs. Jones, then you are not a good mom. Well, we need to cut ourselves a break. Just because we throw an awesome birthday party, or cook our family a 4 course gourmet meal, or keep our house spotless and organized does not make a world class mom. All you need is LOVE :) But lets be real.... I can tell myself this all day long, and by the next day I am back to re-decorating my house, or coming up with a new idea for my backyard oasis.

 Priorities change, and mine change a lot faster than others.  A word I need to install in my vocabulary is CONTENTMENT.  I know what the Bible says on this and one of my favorite verses is Matthew 6:33 - But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
This is a lot easier said then done.  Maybe my "wants" run a lot deeper than just comparison.  I ran across a quote the other day that really hit me.  Maybe I am constantly trying to keep myself busy with projects and buying material things because I am trying to fill a void or this emptiness I feel inside.  The quote is by Florence Welch- "When you are heartbroken, you are at your most creative- you have to channel all your energies into something else to not think about it."

When you're heartbroken, you're at your most creative - you have to channel all your energies into something else to not think about it.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/contentment.html#KVBtSVHUctsUgX5l.99

I wouldn't say I am heartbroken, but my heart does still heart.  I am crazy in love with my lol G-man and I don't want to change or replace him ever..... but will I ever be content with not having that baby that I "lost"? The one that I daydreamed about for 9 months?  Could this be what I am trying to fill? We were sure that we were done having children after Lukas, but obviously that wasn't Gods plan, so after another positive pregnancy test,  I hounded Curtis for awhile about getting snipped.   Well fast forward 9 months...no for real THE DAY before Gavin was born, Curtis lost his manhood.. just kidding..it wasn't that bad.  So.... now that we cannot have anymore children, I decide that I MAY WANT more! Why?!!!  Is it because I want what I can't have? Or are these feelings somehow trying to replace that baby I didn't have? If Gavin didn't have Down syndrome, would I still want more? I don't know!!!!!

 I like to always end on a positive note, showing that I have learned something from my thoughts and words and I am a better person for it. I want to be able to share right now that I AM FINALLY CONTENT WHERE I AM! But I can't seem to do that right now.   I am still working through a lot of things, and that's OK. It doesn't mean that I am ungrateful for what I have, because I am extremely thankful for everything that I have been blessed with...

The one thing I am sure of, is that I love my children. God blessed me with 3 awesome children, but especially with Gavin, for reasons I may not know or understand right now.  I need to try my best and keep working towards being content.  I need to start living life with the children I do have, and stop worrying about the ones I don't, and may never have. I will get there.

Update

Its been a little while since I have given an update on Gavin.  He is now 6 1/2 months and seems to be doing great! We've had a ton of doctor appointments and therapies over the last week.

At his 6 month well baby check he weighed in at 18lbs, and 26 inches.  He is approximately in the 50%, which his pediatrician said is great. They usually go by a different weight and height chart in children with Down syndrome.


 He is progressing in his physical therapy and getting a little stronger everyday.  He has been sitting by himself for a short time but was reminded that hes actually only "propping" himself with his arms like a tripod. OH WELL! in my book, he is still sitting by himself.. and we are going to continue to praise him for the things that other people take for granted.  Before I know it he will be crawling so I am ok with him taking his time on reaching some of these goals.

At his ENT appointment, I was once again annoyed because I feel like I constantly get the run around there. No one seems to know anything and I see a different doctor or PA every time I go. They do a ton of different hearing tests but never know anything. Every time it comes back "inconclusive" So why am I going at this moment in time???? After voicing my concern, the doctor suggested we put him under anesthesia and clean out any build up in his extra narrow ear canals.  They cannot do this while he is awake because for one it will severely irritate him and also so that he will hold still.  Once everything is clear they will be able to see his ear drum and go ahead and put his tubes in.  Once tubes are in, and fluid is drained they will THEN do the ABR test AGAIN to determine how well or how little he is able to hear.  I know tubes are a pretty routine surgery that everyone tells me is no big deal however he will be only be 7 months and he will be under an hour and a half. With just getting tubes you are in and out in 15 min, but with cleaning and testing him afterwards he will be under a lot longer.  None of my boys have ever had to be put under and so I will admit that this makes me a little nervous. At least we will know whats going on with his hearing finally! So..... July 1st is the big day. Please keep G in your prayers.
Thanks!

5 on Friday

This week has gone by so fast and although it was a stressful one, here our 5 things that I loved about the week.

One

My new favorite breakfast spot downtown Charleston. Although it may not look like very much, breakfast was amazing here!  The kids chocolate chip pancakes were scrumptious and that's saying a lot from a fellow chocolate lover. They also had carrot cake, peaches and cream and a banana chocolate chop pancake. Yum! They had chicken and waffles (a first for me) and all sorts of different flavored French toast. If you go for lunch try the tomato pie. Amazing!

Two

Picnic lunches in the living room. Yes! We are still in our jammies. 

Three

Cookie dough balls! 

Yes, my friends raw cookie dough that you can eat and won't be freaked out about getting salmonella poisoning! And trust me they are so good you will eat the whole batch!  Here is the recipe:

Mix

 1 stick of softened butter

 1/2 cup brown sugar 

 1/4 granulated sugar

 1 tsp vanilla

2tbspoons milk

Then you add 1 and 1/3 cup flour

1/2 tspn of salt

1/2 bag of MINI choc chips (since they aren't melted the regular sized choc chips are just too overwhelming)

Then you form them into balls and either eat them plain or you can chill and dip into whatever your heart desires!

Four

Swim lessons. Zachary started swim lessons this week and hopefully Lukas will start soon too. He of course gives his instructor every excuse in the book as to why he needs to take breaks and why he can't go under the water without his goggles on lol. 

Five

Homemade pizza and garlic knots.

Whenever I make homemade pizza I use the leftover dough to make these super easy garlic knots. You literally tie the dough in a knot, bake them at the same time you are baking the pizza. Once they are out, drizzle melted butter, garlic, salt, and Italian seasoning over them and enjoy!